Bugger Damn!

I'm feeling really pissed off. Was diagnosed with bowel cancer on Thursday and all my family is away this weekend. Peter is in Newcastle with the St Swithun's choir, Caroline is at Castle Hill at her boyfriend Brendan's, and Laura is at Hornsby. None of them have asked me how I'm feeling today. None of them have said "Gee, Mum/Gillian, would you like me to come and spend the day with you? Do you need a hand with anything? Would you like some company?"

I feel a bit resentful. Maybe that's just part of the journey. Why does everyone else get to have fun and not think horrible thoughts like I have. Marianne Roberts gave me permission yesterday not to think about cancer 24/7 and that's all well and good. But when it's me on my own, with just the animals and my thoughts for company, it's hard not to.

The phone just rang. It was Laura. I didn't answer the phone. I'm in no mood to talk to her at the moment. Last night she had the hide to ask me to leave my car with her for a day or two at Hornsby so her boyfriend's brother could take her for some driving sessions. In the same breath, she said, oh he had surgery last night on his leg. It's a result of steroids. Like, "hello", sure I'm going to leave my gorgeous little pink car up there so some steroid-taking guy can take her driving in my precious vehicle. Forget that! It sure seems like most conversations go along the lines of what Mum can do for Laura, not what Laura can do for Mum. Is that just being 17? She's been living independently for a long time but she's not very mature.

I'm doing loads of laundry today as I won't be able to do it when I come out of hospital. I see the surgeon on Friday. That's the next step on the "treatment train", as I call it. 

Bugger damn!